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 First off, we’re rounding the Cape of Acceptable Hope and what do I see? Table Mountain and Lion’s Arch in all their accomplished celebrity aloof attractive out at us with a affable smile.

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And then, if that wasn’t enough, low clouds cycle in over the top to actualize what your locals call, ‘Table Cloth’. How am I declared to handle such a sight? Huh?

Or what about the hundreds of sea lions that swam with the boat, anniversary one afraid it’s admirable arch up and watching us, some alike waving. What is that about? Huh? Bouncing seals?

Entering the harbour you are absolutely advance out afore us, Table Mountain watching over like some guardian angel, Lion’s Arch authoritative abiding that Table Mountain isn’t falling comatose on watch. I mean, really, you apprehend me to be black at such a majestic sight?

And don’t get alike get me started with your animated bodies everywhere, accommodating to advice after appetite of banking gratification. Your quiet burghal streets don’t alike accomplish it feel like a city. The alarming confined forth colourful Continued St, your barrio dating aback to the 1700s, all corrective and renovated, your artery art that makes you stop and attending and not aloof airing by alike if you’re in a bustle to get somewhere.

And who the hell is in a bustle in your accomplished city?

Nobody! Where’s the burden pot of burghal life? What’s with all the laid backness? Do you appetite me to break forever? Account you’re activity about it the appropriate way.

If that’s not abundant you again accept me alien to some alarming bodies like Theo, my aboriginal couch surfing host who not alone knows aggregate about South Africa and could assignment as a bout adviser if he anytime absent his lecturing job at the Stellenbosch University, he additionally knows the best chrism spots.

And again he takes me surfing. It’s been 4 months aback my aftermost chrism in Sri Lanka, about in the about of December, 2013. Sure, as anon as we were about to hit the algid amnion of the Atlantic some surfers appear out active and say,

“Saw a actual ample aphotic adumbration in the water.”

“Dark shadow?” I repeated. “A shark?”

“Could be,” he looked out at the water. “Could be a seal.”

Well which one is it, abuse it! Man’s gotta surf! I capital to bawl at him, agitate him out of his laid aback state.

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“It’s a seal,” a surfer advancing out aftermost confirmed.

“You’re sure?” I asked.

“Yup,” he said.

“What’s block it?” I grinned as Theo led the way to the baptize and I duck-dived, the Atlantic not as algid as I anticipation it ability be. My assurance area alike OK with the temperature.

So that was my addition to your waters, Cape Town. How cartel you accommodate me with a abundant morning for surf?

Theo said it was the best he had anytime apparent Strand Pipe work.

And if Strand wasn’t enough, Theo takes me to Stellenbosch, the university boondocks on your outskirts, Cape Town. What, you couldn’t accept a boondocks with baby blah animal buildings? You couldn’t accept bedraggled streets with graffiti everywhere? Countless beggars? Artery cats? Something that ability abort me?

No, you had to go and accept a admirable little university town, big abundant to airing about in a day, accommodate a admirable botanical garden with a restaurant that served ballsy food, squirrels that are rummaging everywhere for basics beneath the big oak copse giving the boondocks the appellation ‘Town of Oaks’ with art galleries, bizarre little café’s, abounding streets, barrio dating aback to the backward 1600s, a Dutch Reform abbey with a bible showcased in a bottle case because it’s from 1722.

1722!

I’ve never apparent a book that old and actuality you go aloof presenting one on affectation in a abbey area bisected of the amplitude is committed to the Titanic-sized agency a woman was playing.

Then you acquaint me to False Bay on my aboriginal weekend in your fair city.

What were you thinking, Cape?

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That your continued amplitude of clean, albino beaches, surfable waves, sunny-blue-skied weather, baby boondocks vibe in the big burghal would somehow put me off?

On contrer, Cape Town. You sucked me appropriate in.

How cartel you accept ballsy bodies like Stacey active aural your burghal limits? How cartel you accommodate a house, a home with her 6-year-old babe who brand to ascend all over you, a 12-year-old Abundant Dane that alone wants absorption and a kitten-turning-cat that thinks your legs and accoutrements are abrading posts?

How actual cartel you accommodate me with introductions to some alarming bodies like Nikki who runs the pre-school bench and aloof happens to alive in an alarming abode alleged Scarborough?

How cartel you accept Stacey booty me to a clandestine invite-only alive music admiral in an underground area appropriately called ‘The G-Spot’ (cause it’s so adamantine to find) and then, while there, adequate the alive sounds of the brand of Tim Parr, John Pain (guitars), David Goldberg (keyboards) and Richard Prowse (flute) and the owners Caroline and Greg and actuality alien to rip-fucking alarming bodies like the aloft mentioned forth with Edna, her pal Al, Christian, Greg, Peter.

Where does it all end, Cape Town?

Oh, it doesn’t because if that Friday night wasn’t enough, on the Saturday I accommodated up with Theo who takes me to my aboriginal South African braai for his brother’s birthday. I anticipation we knew how to barbecue in Australia but again you aloof accompany out the works, aye?

Lamp chops and boerwors (beef sausages) accumulated high, drinks, bounded brandy, potato broil and a peppermint chrism cake.

A peppermint chrism cake!

Think the ache ends there? No, no, baby Cape Town. You again bandy me on top of Mt Hedleberg out in the Hedleberg Nature Reserve.

Do you feel acceptable about yourself, Cape Town? Hmm? Letting me ascend 1006 meters with Theo while actuality anxiously eyed by a troop of baboons to discount the absolute Cape Peninsula and if that weren’t enough, you had to accommodate us with a absolute fucking day area you could see all the way to Australia?

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And again what do you do? You booty me (via Theo) bottomward Clarence Drive (which is aloof like active bottomward the Abundant Ocean Alley bare the gum copse lining the alley from the Otway Rainforest) area we stop at Koleg Bay for a chrism in burnished water, so bright you could see the angle the seabirds were diving for.

Waves that were 2-4 bottom and barreling and if the absolute altitude weren’t abundant some baboons the admeasurement of my surfboard were in the car esplanade antibacterial what acclimated to be a packet of chips. And again big ancestor baboon comes trotting forth the road.

“There’s a baboon bridge the road,” I acquaint Theo.

“They don’t cantankerous the alley here,” he grins. “They airing it.”

Why don’t you bandy a bobcat and an albatross into the mix, Cape Town, absolutely accomplish my break a nightmare.

And again it’s addition braai for that black with my acclaimed potato bloom and a garden salad. You admired that one didn’t ya, Cape Town? So what do you bandy at me in return?

A anniversary of 30-degrees, dejected skies, alternation rides area for 80 cents you not alone get a alternation admission (verified by the analysis staff) but you get Evangelical preachers agreeable about the acceptable chat of JC, you accept an a Capella accumulation with a djembe bagman appear into the carrying to try and save the bodies from the preacher but he can’t be outdone and again some Zulu dancers in abounding apparel aloof airing by, attractive for a quieter carrying to absorb the crowds.

And again I’m aback in False Bay at Stacey’s abode area I acquisition three jobs at three altered backpackers, I get taken to a aliment bazaar with Rochelle who is a chef and I acquisition myself in aliment anchorage in a abode alive with acceptable accordance and amazing aliment and again Stacey takes me to the Mercury with Richard to see The Bootleggers (led by Terry Porter) with appropriate guests Doc John Morstet (lead accompanist of The Boulevard Dejection band), Margarita Free, Monica Englebrecht and Katey Lewis on vocals, Guy Collins on guitar and Vince Connel on harmonica.

Did it end there with the ep-fucking-tastic dejection music? No, Cape Town. I had to airing out, cantankerous the artery to the bandage aliment arrest area the owner, an old hippy was sitting arena the dejection on his guitar.

I had me three boerwors hot dogs with amazon appetite and absurd onions and while he adapted I played! On the street!

And that was aloof Thursday. Friday I’m taken to addition braai area my haversack gets stitched up by the admirable Shani in barter for some of the music and movies I accept on my adamantine drive.

Could you be added helpful, Cape Town?

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And again what happens on the Saturday? A drive bottomward to Scarborough for another braai at Nikki’s abode area I accommodated her alarming husband, Richard, who aloof happens to be a actual accomplished artisan and the day is so hot, the after-effects on the Atlantic attending as admitting they’ve been photo-shopped and we all go bottomward for a bathe and I acquisition myself body-surfing in 3-foot burnished after-effects with a dusk that would accept anyone’s assurance amazing (or ovaries. I’m academic here, I don’t apperceive the furnishings of sunsets on a woman’s body).

And my aftermost Sunday, Cape Town? What do you provide? An accessible air bazaar with abundance of aliment and a alive bandage on a 34-degree day that couldn’t be any added perfect. Alike the three hours it took me to get from Somerset West to False Bay was accompanied by a dusk of the brand that alone St Kilda bank (Melbourne, Australia) could provide.

You aloof can’t let go, can you Cape Town? You aloof braiding us biting visiting souls in and afore we apperceive it, you’ve affective us by the assurance (or ovaries).

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Photo address of the author. 

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